Teenager Self Esteem and Development - Carter Counseling ...

Teenager Self Esteem – Imprint Period (1 to 7) ... In this period the child's brain is like a sponge…everything emotionally significant thing the child ... (573)363-3128 TeenagerSelfEsteemandDevelopment [wpseo_breadcrumb]   Teenagerself-esteemisbasedontheirpersonalevaluationofhowwelltheymeasureupincomparisontoothersaroundthem.It’salsoheavilyinfluencedbytheimpactofeverysignificantemotionaleventintheirlife–bothpositiveandnegative.Therearespecificstagesorperiodsofdevelopmentthatkidsgothrough…orshouldwesay“growthrough”…herewetakealookatMorrisMassey’sPeriodsofChildDevelopment. TeenagerSelfEsteem–ImprintPeriod(1to7) Inthisperiodthechild’sbrainislikeasponge…everythingemotionallysignificantthingthechildexperiencestendtogostraightintotheirsubconsciousmind.Thismakesmostofthelearningsduringthisperiodsubconscious. DuringtheImprintPeriodkidshavenotyetdevelopedtheirmentalfilters.ThemostimportantthingstoachildareMomandDad–andtheir“blankie”ofcourse. Soinamannerofspeaking…MomandDadarethefamilyhypnotists.ThethingsthatMomandDadsaytotheirchildren…includingthemessagestheysendthroughtheirownbehavior…arelikeimplantingpost-hypnoticsuggestionsintotheirmindsthatwillstaywiththemforlife. Yes,kidsaskalotofquestions…buttheycannotputtwoandtwotogetherverywellbecausetheyhavenotyetdevelopedtheabilitytothinkinabstractterms.Iftheycannothearit,seeit,ortouchit…itdoesnotexist. Littlekidslearnrightfromwronglikepetslearntoobey…creating“habits”bylayingdownneuralnetworksforthebehaviorthroughintensityandrepetition.Thisiswhyyouhavetorepeatyourselfsomanytimeswhenteachingyourchildrensuchthingsastablemanners,howtobehaveinpublic,nottopicktheirnoses,etc. Soallthebasicneuralnetworksforhowtodothingsinlifearebeinglaiddowninthisperiodoflife.Mostofushavebeengivenverygoodprogrammingfromour“familyhypnotists”inmanyways. Likewise,mostofushavebeengivensomeveryineffectiveneuralnetworksthathavehauntedusand/ordoggedourheelsmostofourlives…somemorethanothers.Haveyoueveraskedyourself“WhydoIdothat!?”Thingslike… TellmyselfI“can’tdoanythingright”whenImakeasimplemistake Engageinapprovalorattentionseekingbehaviors Feelguiltywhenreceivingacompliment Experiencerepetitivenegativethemesinimportantrelationships—SeePsychologicalGames Pushotherpeopleawayjustwhentheyaregettingclose Havecertain“buttons”thatgetpushedbyothersandyoudon’tknowwhy Andwhydon’tweknowwhere“that”comesfrom?Becauseit’soperatingfromoursubconsciousmind–morespecificallyfromourImplicitMemory. ExplicitMemory –Explicitmemoryconsistsofnetworksofthe factualdatathatwecanrecallconsciously …names,faces,significantemotionalevents,beinginfirstgrade,oldfriends,majoraccomplishments,etc. KeyPoint:Learningisaboutcreatingexplicitmemoriesand/ortransformingthemintoimplicitmemories—somethingwespendalotoftimedoingeveryday. ImplicitMemory–Implicitmemoryconsistofnetworksofskills,habits,andbeliefsthatwelearnsowellthatthey“dropinto”oursubconsciousmind…likehowtowalk,talk,rideabike,playpsychologicalgamesandrelationshipmindgames,etc…aneuralnetworkhasbeenlaiddowninourimplicitmemorybanksmakingthebelieforpatternofbehavior“secondnature”. KeyPoint:Onceweare“programmed”withanimplicitneuralnetworkfortheseskills,beliefs,andhabitualbehaviors,consciouslyrecallingthemechanicsorcircumstancesinvolvedinlearningthemisnolongernecessary…wejustautomatically“know”theyaretruthsabout“reality”(beliefs)andhowtodothem(skills&habitualbehaviors). ThisiswhyIdocertainthingsand“don’tknowwhy”.Italsoexplainswhybeliefsarenotalwayseasytochangeevenwhenwewanttoletthemgo.Youhaveprobablyheardthestatement…”It’slikeridingabike,youneverforget”.ImplicitmemoryishowdeeplykidssoakeverythinginduringtheImprintPeriod. Self-esteemistheresultofhowapersonevaluatesthemselves.Evaluatingselfisahabitualpatternofbehavior—somethingwedooverandoveragain.Ourhere-and-nowevaluationsarerootedinthere-and-thenchildhoodexperiencesandourperceptionofmessagesreceivedfromourparentsandotherimportantpeopleinourlife.AschildrenintheImprintPeriod,wetakethingsveryliterally…andourbrainsneverforgetwhentofeelbadinresponsetoacertain“trigger”inthehere-and-now. KeyPoints:Toachild,perceivedparentalmessages—eitherdirectlyexpressedorimpliedthroughrole-modeling—aremanytimesveryintenseand/orrepetitious. It’simportanttorememberthatparentswereprogrammedbytheirparents…whowereprogrammedbytheirparents…andsoon.Parentscannotbeblamedfortheirsubconsciousprogramminganymorethantheycanfortheirgenetics. However,oncewebecomeawareofproblemswecanlearnandpracticenewpatternsofbehaviortoprovidealternativestotheoldimplicitnetworksthatdonotserveusorothersverywell. So,whenyouarelookingfortherootsofteenagerself-esteemproblems—lookintheImprintPeriodfirst.Ifyouhavenotalreadydoneso,youmaywanttoreadtheinformationonEmotionalDependencyNeedsofChildren.Ifyouhavenothadkidsyetbutareplanningtoorifyouareworkingonyourownself-esteemissuesthenitwouldbegreatforyoutoreadthe“Iceberg”tofindoutwhathappenstokidswhodon’tgettheirdependencyneedsmetandwhattodoaboutit. TeenagerSelfEsteem–ModelingPeriod(8to13) Inthemodelingperiodthechild,bothconsciouslyandsubconsciously,beginstomodelthebehaviorsofpeoplearoundthem.Untilaroundtheageofseven,mostchildrendonotdistinguishbetweenselfandparents. However,aroundeightyearsofage,thechildbeginstoseparateenoughnoticethedifferencesbetweenselfandparents.Nowheorshedevelopsawarenessofotherpeople. Theybegintomodeloremulatethebehavioroftheirheroesand/orpeoplewhotheylookuptointheirlife.Certainmentalfilterssuchasindividualvaluesbegintoformatthisage.Thechildisbeginningtoformasenseofself…anidentityoftheirown.Fromeleventothirteentheyplayaroundwithdifferentrolesanddifferentwaysofbeingbasedupontheirfavoriterolemodels.Thisisthebeginningstagesofadolescence–Separation,andIndividuation. TeenagerSelfEsteem–SocializationPeriod(14to21) Duringthisstage,thedevelopingteenagerbeginstoshiftfocusfromfamilytofriends.Relationshipsandsocialvaluesformandusuallylastthroughoutlife.Ifteenagerselfesteemissuesrevolvearounddifficultyinthesocialareasoflife,lookforpossiblerootcausesinthisperiodaswell.Visitthepageonteenagersandsocialdevelopmentfordetailsofthisperiod. 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