How to speak more modestly - Seeking Rahma

Step 4: gain more knowledge. The irony of life is that the more you learn, the more you learn how little you know. Humbleness of the mind is ... Menu Skiptocontent SometimesIdon’tnoticemyfaultsuntilIseethesamefaultinanother.Forsomereasonit’seasiertoseethemistakesofothersthanourownmistakes.Ithinkthemostdifficultmistakestotrackaremistakesregardingkindnessandmodesty,becausedon’tweallthinkwe’rekindandmodest?Buthowoftendowethinkpeoplearetrulykindormodest?Ithinkyougetmypoint.Weareoftenblindtoourflaws,andbecauseofthatwedon’talwaysspeakinamodestmanner.Afterall,showingoffisnotjustabouttellingeverybodyhowmuchmoneyyoumake.Modestyofthetongueisagloriousattributethatrequiresahumbleattitude,empathyandreflection.Let’stalkaboutthat. Ahumbleattitude Notonlyarebraggersannoying,theyalsodon’tfitanIslamiccharacter.Ithinkitallstartswithahumbleattitude.Ahumblesoulresultsinmoredeen,amodestwayofspeakingandalsomoregenerosityandaltruism.NowonderhumblenessissoimportantinIslam. Herearesometipsthatcanhelpyoucreateahumbleattitude. Step1:openyoureyes. Ano-brainer,butanessentialfirststep.Lookatthebeautyandshadowsofthisworld.Lookatpovertyandletitbringoutthehumanesideofyou.Butalsolookatnatureandbeawed.Noticehowsmallyouareinthisgiganticuniverse.Openyoureyesandyoushouldnaturallybecomeamorehumbleperson. Step2:practicegratitude Ithinkthatmakingahabitoutofsayingalhamdullahwilltrulymakeyouamorehumbleperson,becauseit’saconstantremindernottobearrogant.Everyshowofgratefulnessislikeaseedofhumblenessbeingplantedinyoursoulandit’sgoodforyourscaletoo.ThebestdeedsarethecontinuousandIthinkthisoneistrulyagiftsinceit’ssoeasyyetpowerful.Alhamdullah! Step3:knowyourstrengths Makealistofallthethingsyouaregoodat.Saywhat?Yesreally.Youneedtobeawareofyourstrengthsfortworeasons.First,youneedtoknowwhentobemodestandwhattobemodestabout.Second,youneedtohaveconfidencesothatyouwon’tfeeltheneedtoconvincepeopleofyourstrengths. Step4:gainmoreknowledge. Theironyoflifeisthatthemoreyoulearn,themoreyoulearnhowlittleyouknow.Humblenessofthemindismodestyofthetongue!   Reflection Ineverconsciouslywishtobrag,butthatdoesn’tmeanIamfreefromthisfault.It’seasiertonoticesignsofshowingoffwhenyouarelisteningthanwhenyouaredoingthetalking.That’swhyIthinkawarenessissoimportant.Beawareofmistakesinordertopreventshowingoffasmuchaspossible!It’ssomethingIhavetoworkonmyself. Hereare5commonmistakes: Mistake#1:lecturingpeople Imaginetwopeoplearetalkingaboutrandomthings.Oneofthemisalinguisticsstudentandnoticessomekindoflinguisticphenomenonintheirspeech.Thispersonstartsramblingaboutthisphenomenonusingjargonwhiletheotherpersonclearlyknowsnothingaboutlinguisticsandisn’tinterestedinthetopiceither.Whatthestudentdoesn’trealizeisthatthiswayofsharingknowledgeisactuallyjustbragging.Thisisaneasytrap.Wepronounceourthoughtsnotthinkingabouthowtheotherpersonwillreceivethesewords. Howtopreventit:beforeyousayanythingtakejustonesecondtothinkabouthowtheotherperson willreceivethesewords.It’sthatsimple.Howwouldyoufeelaboutlisteningtostuffaboutinstallationtechniques,oranyboringtopicforthatmatter?Also,askyourselfifyourintentionisreallyjusttohelpanotherlearnsomething.Maybeyoudidn’tmeantobrag,butyoustilldidn’tthinkenoughaboutyourconversationpartner.Ifyoureallyjustwanttheothertolearnsomething, youneedtomakesuretomakeitappealingsomehow,becausewegetthebestlearningresultswhenwe’reinterestedinatopic. Mistake#2:bringingupthefaultsofothers ‘’Heneverdonatesmoneyeventhoughhe’smuchricherthanIam.’’Thiswayyouimplythatyouarenotlikehim.Bringingupotherpeople’smistakesisabadthinganyway,bothinIslamandinasocialcontext.Thisisaverycommonmistake,sowatchout.Notetoself. Askyourself:willIreallygainsomethingbypronouncingthesewords?Theanswerissurprisinglyoften‘’no’’. Mistake#3:complainingaboutthingsotherpeopledon’thave Itisimportanttoknowyouraudience.Complainingaboutworktoanunemployedpersoncanbepainfultotheunemployedpersonandmayseemlikeshowingoff,eventhoughyoudidn’tthinkofitthatway.It’simportanttobeconsiderateofotherswhenyouspeak. Askyourself:isthistherighttimetogetthisoffmychest?ShouldItalkaboutthiswiththisperson? Mistake#4:talkingaboutyour‘hubby’andyourgreatrelationship What’stheaddedvalueoftalkingabouthowinloveyouandyourpartnerare?Therearealotofpeoplewhoareunhappilysingleorinabadmarriageandtheymaynotbethrilledtohearaboutyourfantasticrelationship,soagain:knowyouraudience.ButtherearealsopeoplewhoarehappilysingleorinagoodmarriageandIdoubttheyareinterestedinhearinghowmuchyour‘’hubby’’lovesyou.Thesamecountsforreferringtoyourpartneras‘’myhubby’’,‘’mybaby’’,etc.whentalkingtosomeone.1%willthinkit’ssweet.99%willthinkit’scheesyandthatyou’reshowingoff,sojustavoidit. Mistake#5:givingthebadkindofadvice Thisoneisalotlikemistake#2,onlynotaboutsomeonebuttosomeone.”Youwentovertohisplace?Don’tdothatagain!LikeIwouldneverdothat.I’mwiseenoughtoknowbetter.”*snobface*Givingadviceisnotabouttellinganotherthatyouarebetteratwhatever.That’snothelping;that’sjustpraisingyourselfbycriticizingtheother.Itwon’tbeeffectiveeither. Ifyouwanttogiveadviceyoucancalmlyexplainwhysheshouldbecareful.Youcandothiswithoutprojectinganythingontoyourself.Thinkabout helpingtheother.   Empathy Youmayhavenoticedthatthesemistakes haveonethingincommon:theyshowalackofempathy.Empathyisthefoundationofalmostallgoodtraits.Thebottomlineisthatifyouwanttospeakmoremodestly,youneedtotrytobemoreempathic.Beforeyoudoorsayanything,thinkabouthowotherswillfeel.   Somelasttips: Whenyouaccomplishsomethingyouareproudof,shareitwiththepeopleyoulove.Onlytheywillbehappyforyouanyway. Don’ttrytobemodestsothatpeoplewilladmireyou. Areyounaturallyamodestperson?Great,butdon’tfeeltoogreataboutthat.Youstillhaveotherflaws,asweallhaveourflaws. Basicallytalkinglessaboutyourselfhelpsalot! Anyothertip? 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